How to become a walking disaster
Following on from my recent article 10 Steps to a happy life heres some top tips to ruin your life, its much easier to do and following these tips will guarantee success.
The good thing about ruining your life is it can begin much earlier than creating a happy One, you don't even need any Money.
Step 1
Don't get any education
Not gauranteed to work but it makes a good foundation for the other steps so do it properly, bunk off school, mess around in class and most importantly never ever revise for any exams.
Step 2
Be really dificult
Never show anyone any appreciation for anything. Never say thankyou or please for anything, if you follow this step properly your parents might even throw you out when your 16. Maybe you can even get put into a home before that if your really good - I mean bad.
You could try crime but that has the potential to ruin other peoples lives aswell, actually so does all this article your mother will be really proud.
Step 3
Get a rubbish Job
You don't have any education so now you can get a really rubbish job. Congratulations your doing well!
Step 4
Get Married Straight away
Get married to a really nasty and difficult person, in the steps to a happy life we said you should wait and see what your potential spouse is like. Don't wait just do it, only wait if they seem nice at first that way you can make sure they're not. Your gonna be really dificult anyway coz your following step 2 so they'll soon show they're true colours.
Step 5
Have a Child
Thats right really commit yourself, make sure the divorce which will come if you did step 4 properly is really nasty and complicated this will ensure your kid grows up all messed up aswell and the walking disaster can continue.
Step 6
Take up Gambling
This is gonna work best if you borrow the money first or maybe play poker with some loans sharks and then don't pay, they might even chop your legs off.
Step 7
Trade without doing any research or educating yourself first
Again it'll work best if you borrow the money. Trade a really volatile and fast moving market like Forex don't read any Investment eBooks and never ever use a stoploss.
Step 8
Borrow loads of money
Just keep borrowing once you've run up loads of debt secure it on your house and start all over agian. You've followed step 3 so soon you'll end up right in the poo.
Step 9
Don't save anything
This will see you doing that rubbish job you hate till your 90 or dead.
Step 10
Don't read financial independence
Don't Subscribe to financial independence and definitely avoid reading How to get a happy life
There are many other ways to ruin your life but I think the above ones will work best. Do you know any better ways?
Hobo:
No, not my rating of your post, but the number of steps I have taken so far. I have almost achieved perfection. Managed to stay away from drink and drugs, which is maybe why I've managed to cling on to my crappy job - however; it's also the reason I get to experience the full gut-wrenching agony that is my daily existence, in full colour, high-definition sobriety. Paul - I tend to think of it less as "willingly doom"-ing myself, and more that I seem to have remained emotionally far-sighted - reaching for everything which is beyond my grasp, whilst unable to register the presence of life's demons, who stand before me, ready to hoof me one in the proverbials at the most in-auspicious opportunity. Must go, the boss wants to see me in his office...
Ninja:
Wow! You sure are clever! I bet you spent weeks coming up with this!!
While we're being retardedly obvious here, you might as well add killing yourself and joining Scientology.
Paul:
There are some great tips in there of what not to do.
Unfortunately, being 23, I've seen plenty of friends all around me make at least some of the above mistakes in one form or another. It's amazing to me how many people seem to willingly doom themselves.
bhaque:
Thanks Sandra
Glad you like it, I think theres a few mistakes everyone can relate to in there.
Sandra:
I can't help it, but when I read this it puts a smile on my face. Why? Because a lot of it is so recognizable. Maybe not all the 10 points, but certainly a couple. Good post, I'll give it a stumble ;)
bhaque:
Thanks Louise you've just finished my life story:-)
Louise:
good tips! I would add 2 more just to make sure: 1. Binge drink every weekend, particularly if you are in school or college. Start on a thursday night and go hard for the next 3 days. 2. Be a pothead. Use lots of cannabis, get mellow, have no motivation, talk veeeerrrrrrryyyyyy slooowwwwllly and lose the ability to remember things or use your brain, eventually become paranoid about everyone, have a psychotic episode and really mess up your head.
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