Reasons I want a divorce
I have tried to write this blog in as annomous a manner as possible but today I don't really feel like posting, I can't think of anything to say and this is why.
Please tell me if you think a divorce is reasonably. What should I do?
Reasons I want a Divorce
1. My wife puts herself and her family before the welfare and feelings of myself and my child.
2. My wife is completely selfish and refuses to share anything with me even food.
3. My wife has refused to give me any of the rent she has been claiming of the lodgers living in my house for over 1 Year. I have incurred electricity and gas bills of up to £400 some months (thats about $800) and I only have a small house!
4. My wife takes no interest in anything and never wants to go anywhere other than shopping.
5. My wife refuses to share any information with me, such as her income?
6. My wife’s mother gets involved in arguments between my wife and my self even though she can’t speak English.
7. My wife’s mother has attacked me in the past and threatens me with Violence.
8. My wife’s mother bad mouths me to my 3 Year old Daughter.
9. My wife refuses to give me any emotional support even when my brother died, she offered no support.
10. My wife expects me to move out of our family home so she can move more of her family in.
11. My wife sulks when she can’t get her own way, especially when I explain to her I can’t afford to buy things for her like shoes or clothes.
12. My wife has threatened me with violence in the past and on One occasion she smashed up our kitchen and threatened me with a knife (the police where called). The next day she claimed I was mentally abusing her and ran away to a refuge with my child.
13. My wife threatens to run away with my daughter and threatens I will not see her again.
14. My wife doesn’t listen to my concerns and insisted on having a designer bathroom fitted even when I told her we could not afford it. She also had £1000 worth of cigarettes seized by customs although I tried to explain to her she should not post them.
15. My wife has taken my money to support her family in the past.
16. My wife is of the opinion what’s mine is hers and what’s hers is her own.
My wife is evidentally a B*&&$ please tell me your thoughts.
gordman:
Why not reasons to save your marriage? Do you know how man y couples avoid marriage counseling when they still have the chance to avoid divorce? I never understood why...
bhaque:
We have Talked many times, your right about things not sinking in.
I'll be trying to a give everyone a full update shortly
Steve:
Looks like you're in a tough situation. Have you talked to her about the issues? If not, I suggest you bring up all the issues that you mentioned here. She may be doing these things and not realizing it. Some women need everything spelled out to them.
If she's not interested in making amends, then I think you have no choice but to move on. You and your children don't deserve this. Find a woman who will not only respect, but appreciate what you and your family have to offer.
Best wishes,
Steve
bhaque:
Your right but its not the first time we've had problems, its only gonna be a matter of time before we get them again.
Its probably better to finish it now.
astawerks:
Just think about the kids. a divorce will really screw things up . Relax take a vacation alone with the wife goto church do fun stuff.
MorganLighter:
Okay, mate, listen. Document all of the assertions you've listed above. Contact an attorney who specializes in divorce for men who (I'm assuming) want to have custody of their own children. Be wary your friends who say, "I know a solicitor who....." unless you respect your friend wholeheartedly.
If you can't afford an attorney, then see if you can find someone to .. nah, that's against the law.
I sincerely hope that you can extricate yourself from this mess.
All the best to you.
Keep us posted!
Lord Matt:
Get ready for an intesly unplensent time. Devorces are extremely nasty and when little one's are involved it get's worse. So I suggest you prepare yourself and make a game plan.
Fromt he last lot of statistics I looked at for the UK 97% of devorces resulted in the mother gain full "custody" of the children. From there she can demand the house and a large ammount of your income.
Her solicitors recognise where the mony is and will therefore go for the children, then the property thent he cash in that order. Each time they succreed they will have a better case for the next step. By the time the devorce reaches dismissal of financial matters you could be bankrupt and facing an ongoing fight to see little one.
Google the following terms: "PAS" / "Parental Alienation Syndrome", "Devorce Related Malisiouse Mother Syndrom", "Borderline Personality Disorder".
The only way you are going to get though this in one go is by being VERY well informed. Shop arround for a soicitor that has expirence of fighting cases with the above issues in them. This could cost.
It doesn't get much better but forewarned is forearmed. If you abandon the family home you will amost surely loose it but if she is removed you might loose it anyway. Note I say might.
Furthermore if you can retain home and child you have the best case for holding on to both (and thus not loosing all you money untill baby's 18th birthday and yes I do mean all).
Removing the mother from the home is going t take a little cunning. Get your free hour with a solicitor first as this is goign to be tricky. Rememebr that the wife is likely to start throwing allogations arround and the police are probably going to vist you a lot so for heavens sakes know your rights.
Contact "ManKind" and "Families Need Fathers" both of whom will be qable to offer you some support. As a victim of domestic violence and abuse (yes it happens to us guys too) you would expect support from many of the charities set up to deal with this - do not be fooled - many advisers are trained to believe that only men are violent and they can be quite deceptive. Some are backed by the heavy hardcore of gone wrong feminisim in which case back off slowly as if you just met an angry tiger. Becasue you have.
You are in it up to your neck (I'm not going to lie) and the law is agaisnt you. However the law is also a dumb pile of poo and not fit for purpose (you will elarn this). Give no ground, prepare as far in advance as possible so that you have the eliment of supprise. This will degrade into a semi public paper based fight and you are in the corner with the huge disadvantage your only advantage is time is currently on your side but once you make your move it will be running out fast.
The only further advice I can offer is: "Restraining Order".
I am not a solicitor but I have extensivly read up on this subject (as well as going through it).
Good luck man this year and next is not going to be very nice but you can get though it. More men kill themselves during such times as this than any other demographic. Keep a short line to your doctor and keep anything he gives you to cope an utter secret of the highest order.
Email me if you think I can help you further.
Louise:
Stubsy if you are both unhappy and there isn't a possiblity of solving the differences then get divorced, sounds like it has gone to far to me, and your wifes behaviour is quite abusive. kids are resilient little things and is better to have divorced parents than unahppy parents who stay together. Life is short, choose what will make you happy. Your wife sounds very abusive. 2 books I can recommend are: The Verbally Abusive Relationship (pat evans) and The emotionally abusive relationship. Good luck as you make your decision.
Anonymous:
While I don't like the idea of divorce for anyone, there are obviously cases where it is the only option.
It looks like you may be one of those cases.
Having said that I would think hard and start planning early. She sounds like she is a controlling person.
I would suggest by starting to take back some of the control by for example getting renters to leave
(if you can afford the drop in income). Since you don't see any of the income I assume it won't affect you
much, so she will be the only one affected. Another option is change the lease by reducing the rent and
getting renters to pay partial bills. That way she doesn't get the money, but the electric/gas company does.
If she insists on going out and buying things, then let her get all the loans in her sole name. That way
she is responsible and your credit history is not at risk.
Other than that start planning a date to leave. Stash away as many accounts (in your sole name) as possible
and transfer funds into it. Start a company and ask people to pay your company not you. That way you can
pay yourself the minimum required to just survive (I think it's about 15000-16000 is on the poverty line), try
to aim for that (You'll never achieve it, but the closer you get the lower your income). The benefit of lowering
your income will be to reduce any child support/alimony payments you may be forced to pay. If you get your
income low enough, then she may even end up paying you.
Give assets away to family. If they are not your assets, then she has no claim on them. (WATCH OUT for TAX
liability on gifts!)
This will minimize the financial burden which is facing you.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a lawyer or accountant so this is only a lay mans opinion, so get PROFESSIONAL advice!
Anonymous:
Beat her ass!
the newlywed:
It sounds like she is a real biotch. She is also a danger to you and possibly your child, and her mom sounds no better. Hell, I would have divorced her after she refused to share her food with me.
bhaque:
Thanks for your support everyone
ugyen:
Looks like your wife need some lesson, go ahead is what i feel from your reason. All the best
dunn:
So sorry to hear this. This must be very hard for you.
Just be honest to yourself. If you think you are not happy with your situation now, maybe divorce is one way to get out of it. Because every human being deserve to life their life happily, no matter what.
bhaque:
Thanks everyone I am definetly moving, the only reason I have stayed is my child.
Sandra:
I think the reasons for a divorce in these circumstances are very grounded. I would get out and start a new life. I wish you all the best and I hope things will improve for you, because this must be so hard for you.
Anonymous:
Use your head and get as much money and stuff that you can and get a lawyer. Nobody should put up with half of what you describe!!!
bhaque:
Sad to say its all the truth:(
Paul:
If that is all serious... boy. You know I'm not really big on divorce (come from a divorced childhood) but I would get out of there and fast. :(
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